(Partly due to the fact that I grew up hating religion... also partly because expressing myself through writing on paper is not the way I like to do business.)
So it seems better suited that I pray using my typing skills, on a magical box called a computer, and publish it throughout the amazing phenomenon we call the World Wide Web.
I am grateful for these creations of humankind, as they have allowed us to amplify our thoughts, feelings and actions into something so much greater than all the parts... so diverse it's near infinite in what is happening, and where things are going.
Back to my prayer... I live in a paradox. On one side of me, you have a successful musician, in the realm of yoga music even - music for healing, music for all things good and kind. My music has influenced thousands and thousands of people in their daily lives - in a positive way. By deepening their practice... taking them further into the core of their being-ness. I learned how to do this to myself after suffering a near death car accident, taught by an amazing teacher who was healing cancer patients with sound and yoga.
On the other side of me, I have darkness, pure and true. It's violent, extreme, ruthless and unkind. It terrifies me each and every day - particularly when it's got a grip around my throat. It's fucking vicious. I smoke pot, watch porn, extricate myself from others, devour food, coffee, alchohol... and ultimately wear down my immune system until I am suffering from a number of health issues from kidneys, to liver, lungs...
The story of why is older than I care to recall, having spun out in my thoughts for vast amounts of my adult life.
On one side, I'm looking out at a world I don't trust, and on the other I'm furiously dedicated to healing it.
Yet, it seems, I am incapable of truly helping myself. Am I? Well, I don't think I am incapable... just stuck. I've always thought that someone would come along and throw me a rope - but perhaps it is finally time that I realize I have the skills to climb my own way out, and when I get out, I'll fill the hole with love... compost, soil, water, seeds, sunshine and all - to create a bounty where there used to be a void.
So DEAR HIGHER POWER, CREATOR, NAMELESS ONE, I pray that I find the strength to take my first true step, forgiveness. Please allow me to forgive myself, and the world I live in. Grant me the strength to persevere in such challenging times of uncertainty and transformation.
Allow me to see that i've already created the garden within which I can grow, flourish, and become a person living to the fullness of my capacity, with total integrity.
Blessed are those who find a way to forgive it all.
Self love is the beginning of living a true life... the ways are all around us, within us, and here to stay.
Namaste,
Rara Avis
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